Sunday, September 9, 2012

The world's biggest omelette. [Part 1]

If you are reading this, you are probably alone on that one.

If I had an egg for every year I hasn't written a post on this blog, I'd have to split the third egg with someone. I'd be able to bake pancakes, assuming I had the rest of the ingredients, which I don't, so I'll stick to an omelette.

If I had an egg for the amount of countries (new) I've visited since my last post, I'd have ten eggs. Now we're cooking!

So listen, I could have made this look better, but would you really put more than 5 minutes into an image like this when your readership in its glory days was around 20, and of the single digit readership you have now, half don't even recognise any of the flags on the eggs? If so, you should come do my dishes, because I guess you have nothing better to do.

Now I'll be honest, four of these countries do not really count as I did not spend actually see much other than roads, but I'm having an early midlife crisis so I need to build a legacy here, as I can't afford a driver's license, let alone a sports car. I could probably afford a prostitute, but I can still sleep with ugly people for free and they'll be thankful if anything.

If I had an egg for every couchsurfer I've hosted since I last wrote, and those eggs came in egg-cartons, I could cover in egg cartons the smallest wall of the room I'm in, but I'd probably save up longer for one of these egg carton couches.

Comfortable.

Among them were some real gems. An amazing couple from Slovenia left me a postcard saying they would not write a reference, since while they had an amazing time, they could not let other people know they associate with people like me. Another left me a neutral reference stating that because I have a few hundred positive ones, everyone is going to read the one neutral one to see what it would say.

Thanks, Ben, you impulsive freak. 
("I'm going to grab my train." "Where to?" "Not sure, I don't really remember")


I should mention that most of these things happened during my month-or-so long residence in Montpellier, home to hero of the entire francophone world and quite a few outside it: Remi Gaillard. Perhaps most famous for his viral video re-enacting the game "Mario Kart" in real life, he has done a lot of amazing stuff, which I won't get into, except for my favorite whe- well, just watch.

This man is amazing!

Well, now that you have been thoroughly convinced that this man is as childish as I am a god, I will not look silly in proclaiming in big fanboi letters: I met him.

Go on, laugh at the fanboi.

This, and the end of my dislike of wine were the highlights of my time in France. Oh no, I mustn't forget to acknowledge the amazing Jean-Jaques and Pascal, easily the youngest people over forty I've met. Hell, they almost managed to make me feel old. It's almost enough to restore ones faith in humanity, if one ignores these people are the exception rather than the rule.

Right. More egg-related stuff as I recant the tales of my time in Syria in Part 2 of ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT OMELETTE, or ... something...

I was going to leave you with a picture of that but...
You disappoint me, Internet...