Sunday, July 12, 2009

The past months, part 3: Schnitzelkoenig Sollbruch

Poland! Land of Savages, where I... What? We're not...?

I've just got word that we're not ready to write about Poland yet, and so first I proudly present a chapter on BERLIN entitled : Schnitzelkoenig Sollbruch.

A long long time ago, or at least around a year or more, a young man approached one of this world's biggest treasures. A beautiful palace by the name of "Taj Mahal", now some of you may think the Taj Mahal is in India, but if you're not very bright and you've met some of the crew of the Chaser boys you will know it's in Australia. This young man commited a nefarious act there [and last year his youtube video of that act caused for the word of the year in The Netherlands to be "swaffelen". To hit ones penis against an object or person, with or without the intent of getting pleasure.

As a true Dutchman, I had to share this word with my fellow germanic-language-speakers, and so "swaffelen" or "szwaffelen" was born at beach camp. Half a day later I was pronounced "Der Zwaffelkoenig" (The zwaffelking), and I had my very first Zwaffel-adjudant: Martin.

I even had my own song set to the Cologne Carnival song: "Mer losse der Dom in K├Âlle". Another hit song, created by me, is the "New Slovenian National Anthem" or "Lepi cevli, bise po fukala?" (I don't know if I put all the spaces in the right places there, but I can pronounce and sing it so that's the important part).

However all good things must come to and end, they say, but even with Berlin beach camp ending, my trip did not. I had promised someone I'd make it out of Western Europe, so when I heard a Polish woman who went by the name of Asia wouldn't mind hitch-hiking home to Warsaw, I decided I would stay in Berlin for the week because she wasn't getting back till then, and I figured it would be handy to have someone polish with me, because I didn't speak any polish apart from "nice shoes, want to fuck?". This is where "Der SchnitzelPeter" came in. He found SchnitzelPeter to bemuch more interesting than "Zwaffelkoenig". Incidentally his name was also Martin, A.K.A. Sollbruch Stellen.

Sollbruch was Asia's host in Berlin so I thought it'd be superhandy if I'd stay at his place too since he had space. However, you try to find a guy with a green tent in a few hundred tents by simply shouting "Schnitzelpeter!". (I had forgotten he told me it was the one with the obvious broken pole), so I ended up meeting Ingre first, because she was taking a tour with some of her CouchSurfing friends to see some big Berlin sights I hadn't seen yet.

Since this post is getting long and your patience wearing thin: here's my week in Berlin in a nutshell: Jazz concerts, secret rooftops, candy parties, girls in shopping carts, water guns, bike acrobatics, handcrafting, putzen, putzen and putzen.

Sollbruch Stellen, Ingre and Marcin

I do injustice to Ingre, Asia, and Sollbruch, by not detailing all the things above, but I want this to be a pleasant read, and I just ask of you to use your imagination, before we move on to:

Part 4: The magnificent story of the 5 Cherry bisons and
Part 5: There and back again, and again or "Attack of the flaming crotch"

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